Fuck Cleaning

My dad has this 'method' to cleaning really messy rooms. He shoves everything into big plastic container until there's no more clutter to be seen. Then, he goes through each container, piece by piece and puts it all away.

Now this is a fine method if you actually follow through part two. Unfortunately, I don't. Every time he got fed up with my room, he would go out and by more big containers, and fill them. Then I wouldn't touch them, and would go out and find stuff to replace whatever I couldn't find because it had been packed away.

So now that I'm moving, I have 20 bins full of who knows what, and whatever's actually on the shelves and in the closets.

I have discovered so much paper and school supplies that I have no need of. Several boxes of straight pins. Bags, gift cards, what have you. Some of this is going straight into the bin, and most is going into give away.
This is a lesson folks.
I'm not sure what all of it is, but just keep your rooms clean and don't let my dad touch anything.

Dear Jon.

I wish you understood.
I wish you cared.
I wish you all the happiness in the world.
And I wish all your bad choices come back to bite you in the arse and take all your happiness away.
I wish the same for your offspring.
Because nothing good could ever come from you.
The only worthy thing about you, is your music.
Except... that's actually your brother's isn't it.
No that wasn't a question.
Stay away from my friends.
I've blocked your number.

"Goodbye"

P.S
This isn't just about Her. I know abut the others as well. If you think that you have any legs to stand on with me, you don't. As far as I care every gesture you make is, itself, a lie. Which is rather impressive. You are an impressive liar and I hope She sees through your bullshit someday.

Bueller... Bueller... Bueller...

I live, my darling readers. I swear that I do. I wish to start writing once more, but I must finish my finals first. I have six hours in which to write an essay and finish eight paintings.

I am not ashamed to say that I am having trouble concentrating.

I am unsure how I will manage to write an essay on a script I've hardly read, let alone take eight pages to dissect it.

I may easily sum it up here for you.

The Death Of A Salesman: He looses his shit and dies. V. depressing.

How long has it been since I have written here, lovelies? How much has happened since then.

My life feels as if it has been wrenched from beneath me, and however hard it was to stand again, I made sure to do so quickly.

I cannot show weakness.

I who scorns heartbreak, should not show it's effect on me.

Yet, months later, I am still so broken. Every remembrance of The Bastard makes me sick. A smell. A phrase. Chipotle.

When I am free of school I will explain better. Or not. I don't know. My moods are volatile and attention sometimes flighty.

I will try and write here once a week, though that may be difficult during the month of June.

Behind the Mic: Barbara Gordon

YES! So I FINALLY posted my Behind The Mic segment for Gotham High Audio Drama. I feel like I rambled, but I really didn’t know what else to say. I pretty much just nerded all over the place. *shrug* Whaaatever. Enjoy!

The intro music is and excerpt from the Kittie song What I Always Wanted. Why? Because it’s the only song I have from their album “Oracle”. Get it? GET IT? I made a reference! :D

(The title track was a little too rough for me to want to use it for GH or I would have bothered downloading it.)

Blip where the Official Gotham High episodes are posted

Official Gotham High Blogger

Official Gotham High Youtube

Official Gotham High Facebook Fan Page

Official Gotham High Facebook Group

Dean's List

(sorry, no clever title today)

I know that making the dean's list should be like, perfectly normal so long as you just do the work. Thing is, when I was in high school, I was suuuuuuuuper unmotivated. Then when I finally went to college, I still had no idea what I was doing and just didn't want to be there. Finally discovering what I wanted to do was my first step into thin air... only to have a cobble fly up to catch me. I feel as though I am walking around with my nose stuck into the most interesting book possible, and as long as I continue to love the book, the stones continue to maneuver to support my feet.

Getting a notice saying that I'm on the deans list this semester feels so amazing. I know it's just positive reenforcement psychology shenanigans... but it's working, and it's also a way to show my family that their hard earned money is not going to waist in paying for my education.

I know that you don't need a diploma to be good at something, but if I'm going to be doing all this learning and work anyway, it's nice to get some acknowledgement for it.

A Week Away.

I just feel so frustrated for so many reasons right now. I don't even know if I will be able to name them all tomorrow, but this "Thack" is thoroughly displeased. I put on my confident "Mally" face, and strut like I don't care, but right now it's a farce, which is good because some time's I worry that I'll end up actually believing that I can forget the world in which I live. The world full of hate and hunger that is tearing it's self to pieces. So many things today, hate mail, off handed comments, beautiful music that I will never be able to play at this rate, and... and... I need to put on some fucking Sabbath and clean. Right now! DEAR INTERNET! I WILL BE GONE FOR THE NEXT WEEK. TEXT ME, CALL ME, WHATEVER, IF YOU NEED MY ATTENTION.
Here, have some Gotham High as a distraction. Episode two to be broadcast soon.

Removal Of Wisdom

Today I finally bit the bullet, as it were, and had my wisdom teeth removed. One of them was impacted, which means that it was still under the gum, and they had to drill for it. The doc had told me to bring a CD as something to listen to during the process, and when I did, it was found that we have a mutual love of Black Sabbath.

For some reason, the left side of my face (also happens to be the side with the impacted tooth) was more resistant to the numbing so they had to shoot it up several times. He saved the impacted for last, which was good, because by the time he got to it Fairies Wear Boots had just come on and it is one of my favorites and managed to help distract me. 

Mum had, had to drive me because you aren't supposed to drive on pain killers or laughing gas. The nurse said that it would make me feel like I'd downed a few cocktails. When I told her that I was twenty three and had never had alcohol and therefore could not know what that felt like, she said that now I would.

Upon reaching home I was instructed to take advil, wait two hours and then take the prescription pain killer. In the meantime I should start filling my stomach with cold soft foods. and Ice my face for twenty minutes every twenty minutes.

AH!

The area where the impacted tooth was is already starting to twinge a bit. He said it would hurt more there, but even the cheek is already less numb, and that side was numbed more and later. I wonder why that side is absorbing the meeds so quickly.

My lower lip is still numb, making drinking and talking difficult. Mum thinks it's hilarious, but I'm refusing to let her take pictures and am ridiculously dedicated to keeping my lips sealed unless eating or drinking. Meanwhile, my tongue is numb in places. The tip feels kind of tingly, like a limb that had fallen asleep, the way back is still all there. which was gross because through the surgery, I could taste what they(hjlgjkafhkgfskga;lshdgf;sakjflmFUCKPAIN) were doing. SHIT that left bottom is just a peach to deal with. I'd promise to keep people updated… but I'm just going to curl up into a ball now.

Time to ice again.

Finals

Working on Fashion Design project surrounded by 57+ pages of research images, space heater, computer (blasting tunes), full teapot, and mug.

Lets get 'er done.

Watermarks Shouldn't Skin Your Heart, But Heart Your Skin

I was recently having a chat with one of my sisters about tattoos. It all started with a statement that the beauty of this man:

Rick Genest (AKA: Rico The Zombie)

is all that is keeping me going through finals right now.

My Desktop

I went on about how fucking gorgeous I find this man, and said "Man, he's even cute without the tattoos..." citing the image bellow from when they covered his tatts for a concealer comercial

Sis rated him a 9 out of 10 without the tatts, but not so much with them visible, "I mean its well done, but he was gorgeous to begin with. It took away some of his looks when he got all inked up. Its like a distraction, he doesn't need them."

Doesn't need them? He IS them... or they're him.

However you want to say it.

This is an old argument that two of my sisters and I get into whenever the subject is broached.

"[...] its hard for me to see a lot of them as beautiful and not just visual clutter." Says this particular sis.

So here is what I have to say on the subject and this is what I told her and then some:

I apply this same thought process to any and all body modifications, but right now I'm using tattoos as my example because that's what I, myself, am devoted to someday getting. Tattoos are not something apart from a person, but a part of them. Once added tatts become like a birthmark, and add to the beauty of the body. It's not like they're going away. Okay, yes, with a lot of money (and pain) tattoos can be removed, but stop thinking like that. Whether or not the person is ashamed of their tatt or wants it removed is not your business, it is purely theirs. In the meantime, not all of us (soon, hopefully!) want them removed and it's hurtful that this beautiful part of us is thought of as "clutter." I liken it to parents telling their homosexual child that, "It's just a phase." Please, please, don't think of people's tattoos as ugly, distasteful litter on their body. It's a very real and visible part of them. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean that you have to be cruel about it. "Cruel?" You say.

Yes.

Cruel.

Sometimes I feel like my hopeful tattoos are already there, simply because the designs are so much a part of me and who I am as a person. Unfortunately, I have lost count of how many times my tattoo and/or piercing plans have been met with suddenly fallen, or awkward facial expressions followed by, "You're too pretty for that." It just kills me a little every time the people who I care about, who supposedly accept me for who I am, tell me that these pieces of me shown on the outside will mar me. Mar me? They are me! How can you say that you know and accept who I am, but deny these same parts of me when they are made a tangible part of my appearance? Some of us really do wear our hearts on our sleeves, or back, or face, or leg, or hey, even our arse. Saying that you don't approve of a person's heart? That is cruel.

"If you're getting a tattoo, I assume that you don't care what I, or anyone else has to say about it." Was the sentiment expressed the last time this subject was dragged onto the theatrical stage of our conversations. Now, I couldn't give a weasle's left testicle what the majority of humanity thinks about my heart or how I show it. However, I think it is the exact opposite of hypocritical to say that I care very much what my friends, especially those close enough for me to think of them as sibs, have to say. 

I should clarify and say that my caring what they have to say, does not mean that it will stop me from getting my tattoos.

So I want all you tattoo-haters to chew on that for a while.

Who's ready for Gotham High!?

Haha, sorry sorry, I'm super excited to get to work on this, but I would definitely be too nervous to get infront of a camera and just talk. Although I suppose having a subject to confabulate about and advertise makes it easier. But that's not the point! The point is that he is talking about me too!! I'm one of the voice actors (squee)! A few posts ago in Not So Disappointed I mentioned getting cast in something and THIS IS IT! I'm the voice of motherfucking Barbra Gordon in the Gotham High Audio Drama!! This is the coolest thing ever!!

It begins.

The time has come... for end of term exams.

I know that some of you, dear readers, are probably cocking an eyebrow or frowning at this simple statement. Finals? Not for another couple of weeks, right? WRONG. The moment thanksgiving is over it is crunch time. Art classes don't actually have exams, they have projects. Really big projects that fail to take into account that the student has other classes that are also assigning said student really big projects to do.

My advise on getting through this difficult time? ORGANIZE, ORGANIZE, ORGANIZE!! Cut projects up into sections and set deadlines for each section. If you magically find yourself with extra time because a section has gone faster than expected, start the next section! There will always be a part that takes longer than expected. There is no such thing as free time until everything is done.

This might seem like a very intense way of doing things, but really, once it is all complete, you will feel so much better and you can walk in on your exam day with confidence.

Finals
Garment Construction- Dress and book of samplers.
Good news here is that it's a very simple dress, I just need to catch up on the Samples. If I have time I would love to add beading and ruffles to the dress. (EDIT: I ADDED RUFFLES!! IT'S SO CUTE!!)
Writing- Research Essay (plus two make up assignments)
The intensity of this one is my fault, I put off doing two super important projects because I got intimidated (stupid stupid stupid!!)
Fashion Design- BIG FUCK OFF PROJECT (Combine two completely different cultures as inspiration to design a small clothing line of 15 pieces, flats of all of them, 5 illustrations, consumer profile, store layout, mood board, fabric swatches, and an actually made detail example)
... and then, I died. *passes out just from looking at the amount to be done* It's not that any of this is actually difficult, but it is EXCEEDINGLY time heavy.
Psych- A test for the final (and a test tomorrow just to spread things out for us)
I never thought I'd be so glad to have a test!!

I kind of wish that classes were optional over finals. If I didn't have to spend 3-4 hours in class, I would definitely feel like I had more time to get this stuff done. On the other hand I also have to work, anyway. :/

Fashion Stress

I really don't like posting such drama on here. I feel like humor in the face of something bad is at least better than just being this frustrated but I need to vent:

I feel like all of my sketches look like the modle has daddy issues. This project is due on tuesday and my part is the 10-12 front and back flats, 2-3 illustrations, and finishing the mood board. Our current MB is just not inspiring me right now.

I should have insisted to stay elegant. Too late now.

FML

Not So Disappointed

So there was this thing that I was hoping to be involved in.
First I missed the try out. Then it was extended so I sent in my audition.
Then people were busy. So I didn't know what was happening.
Then my friend got a part and said that he'd done a reading with most of the cast. I assumed that it was all figured out and came to terms with not making the cut. I reminded myself that I have never done this before. I am inexperienced and should get more training and can't expect to get this sort of thing on my first try.

This evening I went to check my email only to find a politely worded missive asking if I want the part...

And then I died.

(That would also be the part where I sent a frantic Facebook message to the two people who had encouraged me to audition freaking out like the respectable sort of fangirl I am).

Food Poisoning.

This sucks.

"Ms. S,
I will miss class again today due to food poisoning, your class got me off of dairy and now XXX'N'XXXXXX's might rid me of my nasty egg habit. I would like to set up a time to meet and discuss what was covered in today's class. When will you be available?
-Med"

I feel like doing this just keeps digging me into a hole and it will be harder and harder to get out of. The truth is that I WILL be dragging my ass into the city today. Queasy or not, I have thing that need to get done. I just can't bear to move myself just yet. I am so drained and dehydrated from being sick for the last couple of days and having to work through the first day feeling like I was going to puke at every smell or sudden movement.
I'm no longer running to the bathroom or curled up in a fetal position, but I am certainly not well either. I am aiming to make it to my second class of the day, and then meet up with my teacher for the class I missed yesterday, basically crash her evening class, so I can get the lesson and hopefully learn a little extra on the side. That's probably part of my problem, I can't stand a class to be boring, so if I already know the material, I go a little over the top so as to make it challenging. I just can't take the easy way out.

Ow, ow, ow. SHIT. I hate eggs now. They need to just go away. I am NEVER getting an omelet from that place EVER again. Ugh, just the thought make me shudderingly nauseous... more shudderingly nauseous...

Tattoos For the Win!

This is more of a tumblr sort of post, but I don't have one so here:

The picture and status are stolen from my friend's Facebook totally without his permission >_>"

Jon Leaving SPG: The Non 4am Version

Buh-bye, Biscuiteers!

So a lot of Steam Powered Giraffe fans have been taking sides and making commentary on the whole The Jon is leaving forever and ever and ever DRAMA!!!!!!!!! ... thing. So to those people who are blaming Bunny Bennett and David Bennett (I don't know why just them, I consider Steve Negrete, Michael Reed, and Sam Luke part of the band as well) how about I put it for you another way:

I sort of think of being in a band more like being in school, than a 9-5 sort of job. At a nine-to-five, you get paid over time if you work past closing hours, but normally when you leave work you are DONE for the day. That's it. Pick it all back up tomorrow.

With school, as with a band, or indeed any creative endeavors, it is not enough to just show up for the allotted time. If we draw the comparison, that class time is the same as rehearsal/performance time, then what I mean to say is that it is not enough to simply come to class or practice with your shit unprepared. If that is all anybody ever did, school would go more slowly, and bands would get hardly anywhere seeing as they would have almost no new songs and it would take them a lot longer to learn their parts. When you are part of a creative group you must do your homework. You must learn your parts, you must go to the study sessions (aka: collaborative meetings), you must put in the effort to succeed.

Recently, I found that 5 three-credit courses was just too much for me to handle with my part time job. I simply could not finish all of the homework, and understand what I was doing or learning. It was a choice between learning the lines and going on stage without knowing what I was actually saying (being utter crap at it), or going on stage for a shorter period, but knowing what I was saying, why I was saying it, and how to spin it with feeling (just being really good at it overall). I decided for the latter, and I feel like that is what has happened with Jon Sprague and Steam Powered Giraffe.

Now, I have no intimate knowledge of this band, I am simply going by the explanations given by Bunny, and what I got from a perusal of the extremely long and blatantly honest post from David. As far as I can pick up, Jon was doing the best he could, but was stretched too thin. He was doing the required reading, but not coming up with creative and interesting insights to share in class and maybe couldn't make it to the extra curricular study sessions. In the end, the class was moving too far ahead and requiring more and more work, leaving Jon in a sticky position of having to drop something too far into the semester after the drop point.

I'm really hoping that this is making some semblance of sense. The issue is obviously far more complex than how I have phrased it. This is simply how I relate to the issue, by framing it in terms that I can understand.

I would also like to note that this is totally NOT the first time that SPG has changed their lineup...

The original SPG automaton line up.

The previous SPG automaton lineup.

Oh yeah, by the way people who have been following this blog since my last post, I have dropped my last class of the week, 2-D design. It is not what I wanted to do, but the class was super intense and I have already put in more time and effort into my other classes, making me more invested in keeping them, and getting good grades. Wish me luck! (And Jon too!!)

The new SPG automaton lineup.

SPG: Changing The Lineup

Steam Powered Giraffe

One of the major signs that I am overtired and should probably get my ass to bed, apart from sometimes uncontrollable sneezing, is that I get teary over random shenanigans. Case in point, it is now 4AM and I just watched Bunny Bennett's only publicly available vlog for the third time in a row. I should also note that I really should be finished with my homework, but am not keen on the subject of EcoFemanism as written about by this particularly dry author...

In any case, I have just found out that the character of The Jon, as played by Jon Sprague, of the band Steam Powered Giraffe has been let go. Bunny explains that it was a mutual agreement, seeing as the band is trying to move forward, and Jon simply could not put in the time or the creative effort.

The Jon singing JuJu Magic

As I listened I looked through old tumblr posts dealing with Jon and all the fans who bought his hats and who will miss him terribly. I makes me sad that I will never get to see them live as they were when I first fell in love with them. I do hope that Jon does well by himself in his future endeavors, he is obviously a very creative and talented individual.

I should also note that this is the first time that I have ever been able to see one of Bunny's videos and she is super cute in her, well, girl form. I WANT TO MAKE HER PRETTY THINGS TO WEAR!! >_> Sorry fangirl moment over pretty people... If it was announced that Bunny/Rabbit would be leaving, I would be melted into a puddle of tears with a two gallon tub of sorbet and a box of Oreos. It's not that The Jon and The Spine aren't awesome. I will totally keep my eye out for Jon, but if it were say The Spine, David, who were leaving I would do the same as for Jon. If Bunny left, I would follow her, and simply keep an eye out for SPG. Did that make sense? This isn't likely to happen, I don't know why I felt that I needed to explain that.

Some day I will have enough money to become an Engineer-eteer, and be able to watch all of the Bunny Vlogs!

(You can also tell that I need sleep when I relly so heavily on spell scheck. This is the best thing I've wtrittne this entire= post, no lire, you just can't tell cause I went over the rest of itproperly.)

Woof.

I hate school. I LOVE SCHOOL!! But I haaate school. *head desk*

Five 3-credit classes. FIVE. That means 15 hours in class, then at LEAST another 15 hours outside of class working.

There are 168 hours in a week. Minus that 30 for school. 16 hours on transport to and from school. 14 for eating since I normally skip breakfast, but like to have time to linger over dinner. 56 hours of sleep if I keep to a healthy schedule. 7 hours of morning and evening routine (showering/brushing teeth/getting dressed). 1 hour for driving to and from work. 10-18 hours at work (we'll say 14). So that leaves 30 hours. 4-ish hours per day of the week of "free time", barring too much more homework, more hours (please, please, PLEASE!) from work, or something random and/or catastrophic.

Did you know that four hours is supposed to be the amount of time that you spend giving your pets attention each day so that they feel properly loved and cared for?